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Each year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Here are some of last year’s winners:
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
He was as lame as a duck; not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap. Only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:30pm instead of 7.
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19pm at a speed of 35 mph.
It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
A friend sent me this observaton in an email. Thought I’d pass it along:
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is usually the husband.
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes.
When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
‘When you finish cutting the grass,’ I said, ‘you might as well sweep the driveway.’
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
Banks have been fair in their loans requiring a responsible down payment policy. However the mortgage brokers are unregulated and initiated irresponsible loan incentives, such as little or no money down loans. They sold the concept of real estate as value that could only go up.
We know different now.
Now Fannie Mae has re-entered and stepped into the picture. Fannie Mae today withdrew its declining market policy and adopted uniform national down payment requirements. This they say is making financing more affordable and available and stabilizing the credit markets, said the National Association of REALTORS®.
Fannie Mae took action to remove the extra 5 percent down payment on homes. Fannie Mae will be replacing the existing policy that required higher minimum down payments for properties in markets that are considered declining, for a policy that allows buyers to borrow up to 97 percent loan-to-value, even in markets in which prices have declined.
With little “skin” in the game, homeowners will be severely tested if market values decline further. The temptation will be to walk away from homes that experience a decline in market value when compare to the loan amount signed.
Received this email. Thought I’d pass it along.
Sleepless nights….
Dear Friends: Last night I had the strangest dream. It was so real, so life-like and so vivid I woke up in a cold sweat. Let me describe it to you briefly…
Hillary wins the Democratic Party nomination for President of the United States.
Naturally, she wants to choose as her running mate someone with a lot of knowledge and experience in government and foreign affairs, someone who is a seasoned campaigner who could bring a lot of strength to the ticket. Who better than Bill, her husband?
Hill and Bill go on to win the election in November and the Democrats maintain control of the House and the Senate.
Hillary is sworn in as President on 20JAN09. The next day, after all the inauguration parties are over, she calls a press conference to make an announcement: She is resigning as President!!! Bill, as the Vice President, immediately becomes President!!! This is all perfectly legal under the 22nd Amendment to the Constitution; for it states that “no person may be elected as president more than twice”. Bill is not being elected for a third term but is merely serving out the remainder of Hillary’s term - all four years of it.
But wait! There’s more! The following day Bill calls a press conference to make an announcement. He has chosen someone to fill the now-vacant office of Vice President. Guess who he picks? Why, Hillary, of course! And in four years she can run again to succeed him!
Misery loves company….Now you might stay awake too! : )
A dollar don’t buy what it used to. I don’t have to tell you that, but checking the lower half of households in the U.S. we find household income is not keeping up with expenses. When most employees in retail stores here in the East make $8.00 to $10.00 an hour, it’s no wonder. Think of all the employees in the malls and retail stores across America and their take home pay.
• If we break households in groups of 20% each by income, well over half of household income (55%) was held by the richest fifth in 2005, the highest such share on record;
• The share of income held by the top 1% has climbed from 9% in 1979 to 18% in 2005.
• Check after-tax income of the bottom 20% grew 6%, or $1,800 over these years (1979-2005, in 2005 dollars); the middle-class gained $11,000, up 21%, over these 26 years. The average income of the top 1%, more than tripled, up 228%, for a gain $781,000.
• By 2005, the average post-tax income of the bottom fifth was $15,300, the middle fifth: $50,200, and the top 1%: $1.1 million.
Huge different growth rates, the pressure of illegal’s keeping wages down supported by big business as well as Democrats looking for their future vote, have led to much greater economic distance between income classes over the years.
We know about supply and demand. Even with high employment rates, the supply of labor has not changed because of open borders. The politicians vie for votes or are in the pockets of business special interest groups. The native born American who is average, armed with only a High School degree earns practically the same wage as they did 10-years ago, except food, energy and sales and property taxes have seriously increased.
Open borders are unsustainable in a democratic society. The traditional distribution mechanism of supply and demand are distorted by inflating the supply of low-income workers.
So who are you going to vote for? The liberals want open borders and to give everyone here legal status in order to get their votes because 95% of them will vote Democratic.
Other than a few conservatives, traditional republicans and democrats looked the other way because of lobby pressures from business.
Now if half of Americas disposable income keeps decreasing, what do you think is going to happen to the incomes of the upper half?
It’s your paycheck. So, who are you going to vote for?
