November 14, 2007
Humor - The atheist walking through the woods
An atheist was walking through the woods. “What majestic trees”! “What powerful rivers”! “What beautiful animals”! He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the
bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear
charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder &
saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He
tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but
saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his
left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out, “Oh my God!”
Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
“You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don’t
exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.” “Do you expect me
to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer”?
The atheist looked directly into the light, “It would be hypocritical
of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps
you could make the BEAR a Christian”?
“Very Well,” said the voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear
dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head &
spoke:
“Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty
through Christ our Lord, Amen.”
Spread the word
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1 Comment on Humor - The atheist walking through the woods »
January 7, 2008
Kaylee @ 6:25 pm:
An atheist was browsing a website and came across a horrible story. “Oh, my god,” she cried (as a colloquialism, of course). Nothing happened, because there’s no such thing as gods.
Or, in your imaginary universe, if you like:
An atheist was browsing the internet and came across a terrible story. “Oh god, what an aweful thing to say.” Time stopped, blah, blah. Bright light, booming voice. “You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don’t
exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.” “Do you expect me
to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer”
The atheist looked directly into the light. “Well, maybe if you come down here instead of hiding up there and let me see you. Give me some really good evidence and none of the ambiguous crap your supposed followers love to tout, then we’ll see.”
The voice replied “But then it woudn’t be faith. There would be no test-”
“Test to see who will believe things just ’cause other people say so? That’s damn unfair. And cruel, if you’re really gonna torture the ones who fail. I would go so far as to say, that’s really, unbelievably evil. So no, unless the bible’s all wrong and you want to publically refute it, you certainly may NOT count me a follower, and a believer only in as much as I believe in a guy with an inflated opinion of himself and a flair for the overdramatic. Which isn’t much.”
“But you’ll be damned for eternity!”
“An infinite punishment for a finite crime? Then you really are evil.”
“But I’ve appeared to you, surely you believe.”
“All I’ve seen is a bright light, heard a loud voice and seen temporal manipulation I can’t yet explain.”
“Aha! You can’t explain it!” The voice sounded really peeved now, and leapt on what it thought was its point.
“Just because I don’t know how it was done doesn’t make the first person claiming to have an answer correct. So either come out of the spotlight and submit yourself to conclusive testing, or stop claiming all this bullshit and leave me alone.”
The end.